Dr. Pamela Mark
Licensed Psychologist 407-697-7173
Licensed Psychologist 407-697-7173
If you are worried about your friend’s eating behaviors or attitudes, it is important to
express your concerns in a loving and supportive way. It is also necessary to discuss your
worries early on, rather than waiting until your friend has endured many of the
damaging physical and emotional effects of eating disorders. In a private and relaxed
setting, talk to your friend in a calm and caring way about the specific things you have
seen or felt that have caused you to worry.
Set a time to talk. Set aside a time for a private, respectful meeting with your friend to
discuss your concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way. Make sure you
will be some place away from other distractions.
Communicate your concerns. Share your memories of specific times when you felt
concerned about your friend’s eating or exercise behaviors. Explain that you think these
things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional attention.
Ask your friend to explore these concerns with a counselor, doctor, nutritionist, or other
health professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. If you feel comfortable
doing so, offer to help your friend make an appointment or accompany your friend on
their first visit.
Avoid conflicts or a battle of the wills with your friend. If your friend refuses to
acknowledge that there is a problem, or any reason for you to be concerned, restate your
feelings and the reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a supportive
listener.
Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt on your friend regarding their actions or attitudes.
Do not use accusatory “you” statements like, “You just need to eat.” Or, “You are acting
irresponsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements. For example: “I’m concerned about you
because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch.” Or, “It makes me afraid to hear you
vomiting.”
Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, "If you'd just stop, then everything would be
fine!" Express your continued support. Remind your friend that you care and want your
friend to be healthy and happy.
After talking with your friend, if you are still concerned with their health and safety, find a
trusted adult or medical professional to talk to . This is probably a challenging time for
both of you. It could be helpful for you, as well as your friend, to discuss your concerns
and seek assistance and support from a professional.
express your concerns in a loving and supportive way. It is also necessary to discuss your
worries early on, rather than waiting until your friend has endured many of the
damaging physical and emotional effects of eating disorders. In a private and relaxed
setting, talk to your friend in a calm and caring way about the specific things you have
seen or felt that have caused you to worry.
Set a time to talk. Set aside a time for a private, respectful meeting with your friend to
discuss your concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way. Make sure you
will be some place away from other distractions.
Communicate your concerns. Share your memories of specific times when you felt
concerned about your friend’s eating or exercise behaviors. Explain that you think these
things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional attention.
Ask your friend to explore these concerns with a counselor, doctor, nutritionist, or other
health professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. If you feel comfortable
doing so, offer to help your friend make an appointment or accompany your friend on
their first visit.
Avoid conflicts or a battle of the wills with your friend. If your friend refuses to
acknowledge that there is a problem, or any reason for you to be concerned, restate your
feelings and the reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a supportive
listener.
Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt on your friend regarding their actions or attitudes.
Do not use accusatory “you” statements like, “You just need to eat.” Or, “You are acting
irresponsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements. For example: “I’m concerned about you
because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch.” Or, “It makes me afraid to hear you
vomiting.”
Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, "If you'd just stop, then everything would be
fine!" Express your continued support. Remind your friend that you care and want your
friend to be healthy and happy.
After talking with your friend, if you are still concerned with their health and safety, find a
trusted adult or medical professional to talk to . This is probably a challenging time for
both of you. It could be helpful for you, as well as your friend, to discuss your concerns
and seek assistance and support from a professional.
| What Should I Say? Tips for Talking to a Friend Who May Be Struggling with an Eating Disorder |
This information was
provided by the
National Eating
Disorders
Association. You can
get more
information at
www.NationalEating
Disorders.org.
provided by the
National Eating
Disorders
Association. You can
get more
information at
www.NationalEating
Disorders.org.
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